The true meanings of emergency and convenience

16 Oct

There was a soiree for the Purdy Jane at Madame Brussells on Sunday eve. Naturally, such an occasion calls for refinement and a sartorial elegance which normally eludes me.

Having been distracted by the Effusive Complimenter with the latest Peter Greenaway, A Life in Suitcases (naturally, incomprehensible), there was minimal time to prepare. It was time for the Valley of the Dolls dress and some ludicrously expensive hosiery.

They looked so pretty together, those bewitching pair. Possibly made for each other.

Evidently they just couldn’t get enough of each other and clung. Like limpets.

Despite sending out an SOS via text to women in the know (hairspray didn’t work) on possible fixes*, I frissioned my way to the nearest convenience story, smug in the thought I could fix the problem by purchasing anti-static spray and sashay away.

Naturally, they had none. Sure, if you want to buy cheap pantyhose, cloying deodorant or lip gloss on whim then the Convenience Store is your best bet for such cheap flights of fancy but anti-static spray? Nooooo. Thankfully the ladies at Madam’s was more obliging (and the Purdy Jane and I showed each other how we matched our knickers and bras to our outfits by the basins. I truly adore the candidly proud exhibitionism and camaraderie of being a woman). With such crises solved, I retired to the terrace for vodka and Black Russian Sobranies under the nipping moonlight.

Truly the cliche of convenience stores providing little in the way of convenience still stands. For such a place to truly provide essential emergency needs conveniently, the walls would be lined with the perfect outfit (for those all-too-predictable moments when you see the ex and you’re wearing a stain-addled Jane’s Addiction tshirt from ’98 and simply must find the best ensemble toute suite), the best quality chocolate, that perfect lipstick and banks of smokes. Oh, and a copy of the Schadenfreude Times, which I do so believe is the most promising imaginary magazine title I’ve not seen in print.

* And special thanks to the Schnootle for suggesting I take my hand out of the toaster.

One Response to “The true meanings of emergency and convenience”

  1. A'Zac De La Renta October 16, 2006 at 9:19 pm #

    Moisturiser. On the legs before hosiery, then clothe yourself in frippery/finery, then wipe the excess moisturiser from palms on top of hosiery clad pins, being careful not to leave wildlifekilling slicks on aforementioned frock. I did not get a text. But then your race against time to eliminate static would not have been as delightful…..

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