Little pockets of surprises

28 Dec

I have obsessive compulsive disorder. It’s an incredibly mild form and manifests more as a visual and mental loop issue than one leaving me with chafed hands and a sparkling clean apartment.

One of my favourite OCDs means that I am an obsessive planner. I don’t need to necessarily follow those plans. The act of planning, or even planning to plan, is release enough. So, I often plan for things days, months and even years in advance with reams of delicious lists that are just as easily discarded to be created anew. Big or little events/milestones are all planned right down to responses and ensembles.

Often it’s the most trivial things that are initially planned. For example, I could not tell you my exact itinerary for Japan but I can tell you what bag I will be taking. Before doing anything else when planning for a wedding a lifetime ago, the first thing that needed *immediate* organisation was the cake decoration, in this case, Han Solo and Princess Leia (in Hutt slave gear, no less) figurines. Given my misplaced attention during that time, it is little wonder the marriage didn’t last. But the cake was perfect.

The downside to all of this is that I am very rarely surprised, which is, I’m guessing, the reason behind the obsessive planning. When taken by surprise, I’m normally pissed off due to lack of control and the fact I have such delayed responses. Exhibit A: a cute guy may smile at me and my initial response is to look away because I do not immediately recognise them, fear they will think me a starer or (and it’s okay because no one believes me when I say this but I swear it’s true) because I can get incredibly shy and submissive. Then curse myself for a missed opportunity.

However, there are times when surprise can bring an unexpected smile to your face. Like an amazing piece of art you just happen to chance upon in Chinatown that thrills you or, as happened today, the discovery of time off you didn’t remember organising. Huzzah!

Nothing like the smell of burning neurosis on an afternoon, is there?

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