Mighty Girl Mondays Pt2

4 Feb

Every Monday, I’ll be selecting a topic from Maggie Mason’s book “No one cares what you had for lunch”. As the whimsically witty creator of Mighty Girl and Mighty Goods, it should surprise no one that she’s also a contributor to ReadyMade Magazine’s Blog and The Morning News.

Matthew Baldwin is also tackling this over at Defective Yeti but doing it in a far more creative way (though it plays on my love of lists, it plays against my love of sloth and torpor. Plus, I don’t have his traffic.)

You know, I’m fairly consistent at admitting my many failings (they’re even in list form). But here’s one I’ve never admitted: while growing up I was a world champion liar. If, you know, liars were awarded for their efforts at blurting absolutely crappily unbelievable shite. ‘Cause if that were the criteria, I’d be up on the dais. Fo’ sho.

This one time, I was sitting with my best friend Petula. Petula’s family were Chinese and going to her house was fantastic, mainly because there were beds everywhere, fantastic toys and, inexplicably, her Grandmother routinely decapitating chickens in the back yard. They had a restaurant in Chinatown but I could never work out if the chickens were for the restaurant or just for home but the Nana swung some major cleaver action. Bkerk, indeed.

Anyway, so Petula and I were sitting and chatting about things that 8 year olds do. This is rank, that’s ace, Alison’s a dog and Shea is dreamy. Naturally, this is the PERFECT time to let slip my stunning revelation, a relevation so earth-shattering it was in no way based on my devouring copious amounts of Japanese animation as a kid.

That revelation? I was…a robot. Naturally, it was against the lab’s rules for me to show my inner workings or talk about my assignments. But I had to let Petula know that Animatronic Amoir was state of the freakin‘ line, baby.

I’m guessing I was more Atom/Astroboy-style robot than Bishop from Alien (though seriously, what 8 year old wouldn’t want to be that handy with a knife?). This is strange given I’ve always thought the ability to fly was totally overrated.

Robots were sexy to me as a child – my first memory of watching a film was “Barbarella”. I loved every second of the film but the most indescribably sexy part for me was the chomping quasi-robotic dolls that nipped at Barbarella’s hosiery. I should be thankful that Bjork’s film clip for “All is full of love” didn’t come out when I was a child.

One Response to “Mighty Girl Mondays Pt2”

  1. Simpsonslover February 10, 2007 at 3:40 am #

    Yes. A superpower not unknown to yours truly. But tell me, this Petula… did her Dad get shot, uh, in the cranial area in China by any chance?

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