So, how’s your weekend?

4 Feb

Let’s all take a wager on the last time I had a productive weekend. No, go on. I swear, this time it will be fun.

There are people out there, apparently, who are incredibly productive in their evenings and weekends. I know, I’ve seen lifestyle programming. They run errands! They reorganise and declutter! Possibly exercise! They clean! They pursue hobbies!

Here is an Amoir weekend:

Planned weekend
Friday –social engagements
Saturday – few errands in morning, social engagement, cleaning, exercising
Sunday – cleaning, reading and totally working on my meditation style

Actual weekend:
Friday 4:30 Start drinking beer at work.
Friday 7:00 Catch cab into city with friends. Stop by Pellegrini’s to quickly scarf down bowl of pasta and coffee to sober up before next engagement.
Friday 7:20 Madam Brussels. While I enjoyed polite chitchat with friends over jugs with a potent berry concoction, others bemoaned the lack of “talent” (and can we talk about that term for a minute? It neither takes talent to pick up a drunkard, nor do they ever display such aptitude.)
Friday 9:00 Empress Am by this point excessively charming and whimsical. Bump into the delightful Mr and Mrs Shrew and their friend, among many others. Promise to buy jug of beer. Run off with said jug to play pinball with friend and totally spread the charm around. Return with jug later. They are charmed.
Friday 10:00 There’s a special time in a girl’s life when she decides she needs to kick the drinking up a notch against the flickering fear of sobriety. Switch to vodka.
Midnight: Operation Charm and Awe in full effect.
Saturday 1:00am There are many riddles in life. Riddles that should be explored and discussed so as to understand their place in modern society. My breasts are not. As such, can we please stop discussing them?
Saturday 2:00am Last drinks
Saturday 2:30am Demand Leelee Zofia drop me off at someone’s house despite the fact I had expressly asked her not to in a shining moment of sobriety. In an act that deftly displayed the full extent of my charm and whimsy, I jump out of the car and proceed to walk down the street until Leelee Zofia relents.
[SCENE MISSING]
Saturday 10:00am Apologise and beg silence from the relevant people via text message.
Saturday 11:00am Turn up hungover at friend’s place to attend a blessing way (a womyn’s power version of a baby shower). Am possibly still charming. Beg to stop at McDonalds for a fat asprin.
Saturday 1:00pm Am now in the country at the blessing way surrounded by children, babies and swollen bellies. Note to self: get morning after pill.
Saturday 2-4pm lots of tears as we share stories. Am about to go gently into that good night.
Saturday 5:00 more tears on the car ride home from everyone as I share the story of the seagull’s hatching which I will have to share another time.
Saturday 6:30 eat egg sandwiches, visit the stalking gallery and watch final eps of Dexter.
Sunday – present a rigorous schedule of eating egg sandwiches and Alien films.

What didn’t you see there?

Entirely.

2 Responses to “So, how’s your weekend?”

  1. Adam February 4, 2007 at 3:12 am #

    i’m torn between jealous and bemused… i should tell you about our weekends sometime.

  2. Anonymous February 12, 2007 at 10:26 am #

    i’ll relent for you anyday, baby! on a more serious note, the price of my silence is, as discussed, a baked cheesecake AND a sexy baker-boy with nice big biceps from all that “baking”. i’m prepared to negotiate on the cake but the baker is a necessity…delivery date TBA.xx

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