Current affairs with the Purdy Jane

28 Feb

Me: Can we talk for a moment about Courtney Love? Who has plastic surgery to make them look like Tina Yothers?
PJ: Let’s discuss Courtney after we’ve bitch-slapped that blabbermouth hostie who shagged Ralph Fiennes. Have you seen the she-male?! You seen that wood-choppin‘ accident she calls a mouth?!
Me: I mean, really, what was Ralph Fiennes on when he did the coyote cubicle root with her? Truly, how she escaped the clutches of an estate-bound-Hyundai-driving existence to briefly shine as his jizz mop BAFFLES ME. Space Time Continuum. Skybound Slapper. MYSTERIES OF OUR TIME! BAFFLEMENT!
PJ: Cut to her on ‘I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here’ a la Rebecca Loos. Yeah, good on ya. All the best.
Me: You just know the both of them will fight over the same hay-filled feedbag so equine are they. By the way, what the fuck is it with these trollops and the spotty, leathery décolletage? Am I the only one noticing this? Do all trollops have a side gig cloning small George Hamiltons?
PJ: Amen! Why do men seem to wanna get squishy with card-carrying hatchet-faces? Rebecca Loos, that dumb nanny whot shagged Jude Law (mind, Sadie Frost isn’t exactly cuddly and ticklish either *Amoir gasps in shock*), this Qantas sperm dumpster – what gives?!
Me:I’ve got it. The women either look canine or equine. As fans of anonymous sex and gambling, men like to shag women they’d also put a tenner on to take a race at either Olympic or Flemington park. This makes Rebecca Loos a dishlicker. Which is, funnily enough, EXACTLY what Becks said about her.
PJ: *Displays pic of Air Hostess that shagged Ralph Fiennes* Hello! I’m Hostess Ed
Me: “How many drinks did you ply him with before shagging him?” *cue sound of hooves thumping on the floor*

Amoir & Purdy Jane: all for the sisterly solidarity.

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