This must be a certifiable affliction of some sort.

25 Apr

People, I’m going to make a stand here and demand that my affliction not only be catgorised as a disease, but be my catch-all excuse and, naturally, demand my disease of the week film*

That disease, my esteemed friends, is pfaffitis. Yes, I’m a pfaffer and today I have been cast adrift on the afflicted sea of donothingness. Sure, it’s partly due to a hangover, partly due to the shame of being forced to sing the karaoke version of Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ on a prayer”, but it appears my natural state is a supine torpor.

Today, the pfaffitis was extreme. So extreme, in fact, took me an hour to gather the required strength to walk for 10 minutes for restorative pasta and latte at Pellegrinis. It took many hours of thinking before actually emptying the dishwasher and, it should be noted, the pfaffitis was nearly successful in thwarting me from hanging out laundry.

And, here I am, yawny and just a little tired kittenish (eenh!) and yet I fight against the notion of putting out the additional laundry before retiring to bed with the thought “oh, I should possibly blog about how last night my friends have escalated their obsession with my breasts by repeatedly throwing ice down my cleavage”.

One day when I’m cold and lying on the morgue table, they’ll open up my skull and see no brain, only cushions, empty coffee cups and succession of dog-eared postit notes of things to do. Back in 1997.

* I’m sure you can all see the huge issue here: just WHO would play me in the disease of the week film? If any of you give this or this as an answer, I will fucking glass you. And, as an aside, either of these lovely gents could play my love interest who will ply me with ciggies, toast, cups of tea and kisses.

4 Responses to “This must be a certifiable affliction of some sort.”

  1. Doris April 26, 2007 at 9:53 pm #

    If a lookalike had to play me in a movie, it would have to be Doris Schwartz. From Fame. The one people told me I looked like, and I went off to cry.

  2. Amoir April 26, 2007 at 10:55 pm #

    You know, had you mentioned any other name, I would not have known who posted. But you mentioned the Doris and I do.But this really is irrelevant from the REAL issue: who would play ME? And make it good because a workmate just answered “Reece Witherspoon”.

  3. Lise April 28, 2007 at 10:32 am #

    Dita Von Teese? Gwen Stefani if-she-went-brunette- and kept her Harijukooky sidekicks?In a nether-everafter-world, Ava Gardner would be crying to her agent (whilst smoking furiously and dramatically )that she simply HAD to play you.

  4. Adam April 30, 2007 at 11:33 am #

    minnie driver or parker posey.

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