SWF seeks FB for discreet trashtastic times

5 Aug

Me: 32, quasi professional who enjoys long walks up to the back of the cinema, watered down coke and gettin’ caught in the rain. Fan of Campbellian archetype, fretful of the zombies and in awe of John McClane.

You: Won’t discuss Un Chien Andalou, will humour my incessant whispering, squealing, foot stamping and tendancy to slap people using mobile phones in a cinema. You’ll ignore my staring down candy bar kids on principle as they try to upsell me and must be gallant enough to carry some of my food into the cinema so it doesn’t look like it’s all mine. Ability to do good shadowpuppets considered a bonus.

Together: We’ll talk excitedly of popcorn dinners but you’ll allow me to scarf the great majority in distracted ham-hocked fistfuls. Then feed me maltesers, politely ignoring the fact your half of the popcorn is now in my cleavage. And together we’ll watch blockbustery crap, magnificent blockbustery crap, unified that our bohemian friends care not for our love for the career of Will Smith.

So call me now, Film Buddy, and we’ll completely lose it when Megatron appears on screen.

Go on, you know you want to.

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