Yippie Kii Yay, motherfucker.

25 Aug

Die Hard, that fantastic film that taught me how to love again, was on last night. Naturally, I took notes in between scarfing buttery handfuls of popcorn.

  1. All scriptwriters should know that the best way to convey how badly matched the police are for their impending battle with the terrorists is to have one grimace as they snag on a rose bush. Let this be a lesson to the makers of kevlar: bullets are repelled but rose thorns are not. Please update your product immediately, kthxbai?
  2. “Send in the car”. Growl it repeatedly. Get the underbite happening. Better than a neck rub it’s that damned pleasing. Almost as pleasing as “Pocky Talky”.
  3. Oh dear god, can they please remake Die Hard and use Pocky Talkies instead of walkie talkies? Please?
  4. Alan Rickman: wouldn’t kick that chap out of bed. He would, however, have to bring tea and toast.
  5. The Seagull: apparently enjoys nothing more than waking to stumble out and enjoy her first Die Hard with her mother. Given my parenting choices already shock some, is it truly shocking to admit that she’s now on the couch with me? When the first film she ever saw as a newborn was Kill Bill?
  6. Who is that ubiquitous Asian Baddie? Who has cornered the bad Asian Thug with 80s mullet market? I salute you, Al Leong. But I’m still annoyed I couldn’t get you out of my head when I read “Snowcrash” and thought of the Aleutian. And you don’t look a damn thing like the Aleuts. Please rectify this.
  7. Guess during which scene the Seagull said “my foots okay!”? Yes, I’m a bad parent. My friend Britney disagrees but I think she’s just being nice.
  8. Who needs natural dialogue in films? No one, that’s who.
  9. Apparently in Germany, they altered the film so the terrorists were Irish. No, seriously.
  10. Backlit Alan Rickman: because every girls needs at least one night of sex with a creepy guy they’re just not too certain about. Come on. You know you do. Know. Mine was an arrogant entitled philosophy student wanker. We actually argued during sex. Repeatedly. And it was a one night stand. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a disagreement over Medieval history during sex? Wonder no more.
  11. Shirtless, sweaty, sexy Bruce Willis. I wonder if he would deliver Stuyvesants to my door?
  12. Conversation from a few days ago with the Intoxicating Dubliner.
    Intoxicated Dubbeliner: why so late today?
    Me: Meh…slept in. Decided to wear make up. The Seagull was in a clingy mood. Had to save Nakatomi Plaza from being overrun with German terrorists. And the dog ate my homework.
    Intoxicated Dubbeliner: yeah…. ya slept it out then?
  13. Is it just me or has Eddie the fake security guard totally got that whole Queenie stare down thing happening?
  14. Yeah, nothing says redemption like finally being able to shoot again. Especially a ballet dancer.

3 Responses to “Yippie Kii Yay, motherfucker.”

  1. amir August 26, 2007 at 6:58 am #

    ha. funny. arguing during sex.

  2. Jenn August 27, 2007 at 11:33 am #

    Oh God how much do I want to get me some Bruce. I haven’t even settled for Matt Damon. Who dreamed up this working shite – it is seriously interfering with my crap movie appreciation.The password to post this was pufipiaw… obviously I’m a deviant because it sounds kinky to me.

  3. Simpsonslover August 30, 2007 at 3:00 am #

    Yeah? Well the password to this comment was “fatnhi”. I wasn’t even going to comment. But how could I not?Think my computer’s trying to tell me to go outside and exercise.

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