She does this out of spite

13 Sep

As befits a woman of my mental and emotional prowess, the Seagull and I fight over toys in the bath. Now that the octopus sits folorn and uncontested on the corner of the bath, we battle to play with an empty shampoo bottle.

Hey, that’s where it’s at. It’s one fine empty shampoo bottle.

So, as the Seagull indulged in her favourite hobby of drinking dirty bathwater like a Lohan, I discovered that I could create farting sounds with the empty bottle. Forget your high falutin techniques and philosophies, forget your educational toys and enriched play experiences: that I can make an empty shampoo bottle fart makes me the ultimate parent (thank you, I accept alms in the form of Muji socks and Peter Stuyvesant Classic cigarettes).

It was at this moment that I realised she and I will never be the most cultured of pairings and quietly ruminated on the lives of other mothers and their charges, picturing cups of herbal tea, concentrating on puzzles, sensible jumpers and a hearty giggle over a cartoon in the New Yorker. Because all cultured 3 year olds enjoy nothing more than flicking through the New Yorker. Ho, that Uncle Christopher Hitchens! So wacky! So zany!

I chortled to myself at such a visual and resolved to blog about it with my usual speed and efficiency.

Until the Seagull cracked open an issue of the New Yorker and laughed at one of the cartoons this evening.

Seriously, she only did it so I couldn’t do a short blog post. 3 year olds. So very spiteful.

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