Amoir: she’s not very quiet

1 Nov

Just stand in a doorway and hold on for your dear life as I deliver this rock-you-in-your-jocks revelation: I’m rather loud in real life.

An old and similarly decibel-challenged workmate puts it down to the fact we endured years of elocution training as children. Years of howing the brown cow and looking like a trilling lizard. According to this fine lass, the only difference she’s noticed is that she is now her own foghorn over a quiet sea. Obviously all I notice is that I speak normally but everyone else is whisper quiet and they ask me if I’m British (this happens more when I’m drunk. I drawl like a Sloanie. Just don’t ask.)

Is it, therefore, my fault for being loud? Of course not. Now, tut over your tea and glint your eyes at me warmly.

Obviously, there are times when my loudness and choice of conversation can be a cause for embarrassing social situations. Such as when I was loudly pondering bondage with the Effusive Complimenter and Purdy Jane over lunchtime champagne. In one of those cafes in a gentrified suburb. And not realising the yummy mummies looking aghast while holding their young’uns.

Do you think they were more offended by that or us discussing eating cannibalised brains? And me stating (please get your notepads ready) that I would be personally devastated were I to served with coriander? Which then led to the Effusive Complimenter and Purdy Jane suggesting more soothing recipes? That they wanted to wrap me in bacon?

I’m sure they were all relieved when we decided the best way to serve me was with bubble and squeak. It just seems proper. And I’m all about the proper.

3 Responses to “Amoir: she’s not very quiet”

  1. Jenn November 7, 2007 at 12:28 am #

    I’m with you on the coriander – as if you would! Bloody yummy mummies – surely they had sex once too? Even in the gentrified suburbs? (I’ve got Monty Python in my head now)

  2. Kiki Wakaliki November 8, 2007 at 2:21 am #

    And did you look at the YM’s, salivating, imagining them with an apple each in their gaping mouths? With some fava beans and a nice Chianti? No?

  3. Descentia November 12, 2007 at 12:01 pm #

    Here’s to all being about the proper. I can so relate. Gave you muchos linkos from my newish blog too.

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