An open letter to the producers of ‘Taken Out’

11 Sep

Dearest Producers of ‘Taken Out‘,

Firstly, I love what you’ve done with your hair.

Also, in less important news, Sasspot Fatale and I love your fabulous show. It’s been far too long since we’ve seen the dreams of single people judged and crushed on national television. We, too,
believe that a woman’s natural skin tone is in fact orange and heartily endorse your lighting dept.

But I need help. Night after night I watch the women come out, many sporting the best ensembles a vat of bronzer and the Supre remants bin can provide. Naturally, I look and dress nothing like them. And then there’s the men: chaps I would neither encounter, feel attraction towards or receive from them.

So, ‘Taken Out’. C’mere. Answer me this: if your show features women I look/act nothing like and men who would rather hack off their limbs than date someone like me, how the hell have I had a sex life over the past 17 years?

Please pop your answer on the back of a bowl of mashed potato (I like eyegrabbing stationery so quit judging), k?

Don’t go changing,


p.s. if you’re up for a lark, let’s go and slash Jennifer Love Hewitt’s beret budget on the ‘Ghost Whisperer’. Gwaaaaaaaaaaaan. S’funny.

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