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Debating online, some ideas and dance moves.

29 Aug
As a busy working single muvva* with an opinion on the internet, I’m used to getting into arguments. Hell, I was getting into arguments before the internet because I have unique social skills and a need to annoy people.
 
But goddammit, if you want to argue, if you want your argument to be taken seriously and credibly, many people need to reconsider how they argue. You seriously want to make change? Learn how to argue.
 
A few pointers:
* your experience or your friend’s experience does not constitute a social model.
* Please note that some people have more expertise than you – to claim otherwise is a continuation of the “freedom of speech, my opinion is equal to yours, etc”. No. Not all opinions are created equally. I have expertise in some areas, I have zilch in others. Sometimes it’s humbling to realise – but own it.
* Don’t mistake experience with expertise. A moment of your life is not a lifetime of immersive research or community immersion.
* Statistics and theory are your friends. Treat them better. 
* That means reading. Read widely, read those you disagree with, read back into history, read wider than your identity.
* Listen. Not every argument needs you, especially if you have no expertise or research to back up your argument.
* You may not be represented in every single argument on the planet. That’s ok. You can augment it to show a contributing theory, but not everything is about you.
* No, really. Not everything is about you. Not in day to day life, not in activism. Not only is everything not about you, but sometimes people don’t care about your identity. What’s the answer to that? Go build. Activism isn’t always about conversion, sometimes it’s about building and you don’t always need everyone on board to build something for you.
* Irrationally angry about someone’s view but not entirely sure why? THAT IS A MAGICAL FUCKING TIME. Sit with that reaction, explore it, research it. You’re about to challenge yourself.
* Recognise that “gut instinct” and “intuition” are culturally conditioned responses and not the basis of an argument.
* Debate ideas, don’t debate people. For example, feminism is a series of theories (MANY of which are worthy of critique and improvement) and very definitely NOT a Miss Universe contest.
* If you want people to accept you as a complex individual of contradiction, un/learning, emotional responses, experience and expertise please extend the same as others. No one is perfect and fully enlightened, including you.
* Realise that debating ideas isn’t the same as debating your personal worthiness. Not everyone has to agree with you, or like you.
* Be polite with polite people. If someone’s being hostile, sure, go ham. If they’re not, no one is entitled to wear your rudeness. The moment you get rude is the moment people shut down and stop listening to you – and when you get to that point, you have to ask yourself if you want to have a conversation with potential of conversion or just yell at someone who hasn’t consented or shown hostility to you. So, have some fucking grace, mate.
 
If you want to learn about argument traps and how to debate, I’d recommend Tara Moss‘s “Speaking Out”. I’m also a fan of “Thank you for arguing” by Jay Heinrichs and “How to think about weird things: critical thinking for a new age”.
 
*I’m really not that busy.

Feminists: stop talking over mothers

28 Aug

I’ve spent five years discussing feminism and parenting. I’ve had my work not read or considered less important because people didn’t think it was relevant to them or because it seems ‘soft’ in comparison to so many other issues – despite reading feminist literature on almost any other topic. I was told by other writers to never write about parenting because I would not be taken seriously.

When editors discovered they could make a buck (and possibly even believe in) feminism, the churn began and eventually wanted to cover feminism and parenting. Places like EB had to fight to maintain the original stream of feminist parenting articles they had been publishing for a long time.

EB were fucking brave to publish anything on feminism given their community’s often overwhelming rejection of feminism. These are people juggling work and home, or just enjoying being at home, and wondering why the hell people are pointing at their lives as an example of wasted potential. Feminists have not been nice to mothers and I have long maintained this has been a combination of elitism, classism and ageism. (Here’s a goddamn piece of mine Fairfax republished back in 2012)

So, to hear that Anne Summers is still denigrating women doing work at home – looking after children, finding pride in the ability to cook – is a really thorny one. Yes, there is a valid argument that women have hobbies (cooking), men have professions (chef). Yes, it may even be a rationalisation for some in their suburban oppression.

But here’s the thing: you can’t claim to want to help women when you denigrate their way of life and activities, when you judge them for having children. You can immediately mock the choices of women if they enjoy something as simple as cooking (seriously? You have no idea how you can fuck the system as when you’re poor and manage to feed your kid on $30 weekly budget).

There are HUGE issues when it comes to families and how women can parent with autonomy and safety, free from professional, personal and economic penalty. To reduce their lives to line about baking trivialises this, something Summers would know given her tireless work with DV. It’s just an aside, sure, but how many other asides would feminists let slide from anyone else, especially in today’s call out culture.

You cannot ignore mothers. You cannot think the sum total of motherhood is a bump and kids under the age of 5, who say cute things. Want to know a gigantic group of women? Mothers. Want to know who is at the coalface of so many sexist threats? Mothers.

But don’t think you can start speaking for mothers either. The amount of times I’ve had people tell me they understand mothering because they have a nephew or neighbours or were once a child themselves, the amount of times I realise you’re just talking over another woman without discovering what her life is like, her identity or her experience. We are not a new topic for thinkpieces, we are not an identity you can ignore until you become one yourself (oh Valenti) and, we are not a group you can ignore the identity politics maxim to listen to/read up/stop speaking over.

Life lessons from Kat Muscat

21 Jun

docsThere is no cognitive dissonance in rocking out with equal fury to death metal, “Welcome to the Black Parade” or S Club 7’s magnum opus, “S Club Party”.

Flirt with everyone.

Enthusiastic consent can be the sexiest thing imaginable.

So is pashing all your friends and lovers at every social occasion, work event, stuck lift or fuck it, pash in the supermarket snack aisle because there’s a bucket of chocolate on sale. Ya gotta celebrate that shit.

Write as you speak. Let long, laconic sentences curl around your readers. Make them feel like they’re in love with someone they’ve never met.

Don’t be afraid to give up your article’s message in the title, like Kat’s manifesto on cis-het male sexuality “so your dick isn’t perpetually hard”.

Now everyone loves you, push those boundaries. Be genial and respectful, but challenge them to realise the shit they really don’t want to give up.

Accept that pretty much everything is problematic and you can call it out and still enjoy them, albeit warily. Like when you call out the things you love most – like Orange Is the New Black and Buffy. You will look at your friend Amy like the idiot she is when she mentions her irrational dislike of Tara because you know the power of wallflowers. Now chide her playfully. She’ll eventually accept you were right (well…).

You can maintain a friendship by texting each other links to menulog even though you’re less than 10 metres apart.

Sensitivity is the most beautiful accessory of all. Listen to people – when they love you, when they praise you, when they criticise what you have done (but not who you are) and when they say you’ve hurt them.

Accept and revel in all the love you get but reject the canonising praise.

Talk to your friends about that love and sex with clarity and respect.

Every moment is an opportunity to learn about sex. Like your erotic fan fiction about Captain Planet getting it on with Voldemort and taking a moment to explain to the audience good anal sex etiquette.

Find the delicate balance of empathy with not putting up with a single. ounce. of. shit.

One can never have too many piercings.

dfeOr tattoos. Of all the tattoos you get, make space for your personal mantra. Like “Defiance Feminism Empathy” because Kat knows those are the three things that will change the world.

See those new people at the event who look nervous but are most likely cool? Go up and welcome them like an old friend you’ve wanted to catch up with for years.

Always have a giggle in your voice before you joke about something.

Have the world’s dorkiest fucking laugh that splutters and husks at high concept jokes to cringeworthy puns.

It’s ok to lay in bed and wonder when a feminist death metal band will emerge. It’s even better to plan one of your own while watching Metalocalypse in bed, rolling perfect cigarettes and intermittently yelling “THIS IS DILDOS”.

Hug. Hug like you mean it. Hug like you want to give every cell in the body all your love. Team it with a little moan just to make that hug travel further and take up residence in your soul. Let people marvel at the strength of a tiny, slight woman who can hug you like a bear that’s ready for arms day.

There is never a bad time to dance. Do it right now. Have you ever listened to S Club 7?

Snoring together on the couches as you pass out from beers, pizza and binge viewing is an act of bonding that cannot be replaced.

Screen Shot 2016-06-20 at 10.40.33 PMBe that person who is filled with love for their friends. Make sure they always know, even if you have to resort to poetry.

Avoid bitching about people as much as possible unless they’ve really done you wrong and fucking jump into it.

Know that friendship is a mixture of give and take. Like listening and helping, or trading one exquisitely rolled cigarette for one exquisitely made cup of tea. Become the embodiment of generosity and respectful need in all that you do.

If the sun is out, part of the social contract demands you grab a six pack and drink them in a park. Ok, maybe it’s more than a six pack.

The only point of social media is to post pics of babes, Harry Potter references and request people to deliver valium to you at work. Or ask them to meet you in the park for a beer, hey.

You can be the most beautiful woman in the room and still look into the camera with the face of an unsure kid on her first day of school. But it’s ok, because you know vulnerability is nothing to feel vulnerable about.

Honesty and reflection are radical acts – combine them both and they’ll become your superpower.

Be open about sex and realise it’s equal parts sacred, profane and inutterably stupid.

photo 2Even the bad times can be good. Did you know it’s possible to have an amazing night in the Emergency Department at St Vincents? Here’s how you do it – crack your head open like you’re Harry Fucking Potter if he went through an alt-lit-emo phase, tell your friend Amy you won’t go to hospital but eventually agree after a cup of tea and chocolate while you slowly make the apartment look like Carrie’s prom. Then sit in the Emergency waiting room for four hours where together you unlock the highly contested prize of most annoying people in the room by continually laughing, making jokes, updating Facebook with a series of viscerally goofy selfies, watch tv and agree Ben Whishaw is a “generic-brand Cumberbatch”. Eventually once the doctor patches you up, you can skip down the street at 4am with a head full of giggles and start singing “take me out tonight”, reaching to devious glee of the chorus, jumping up and down and pointing at the 24 hours Maccas that “there is a light that never goes out” because it’s the last thing vegan Morrissey would want. Then eat burgers as you wait for your beloved.

For those of you who love Kat, the next few weeks will be hard. She would have been 26 soon. She would have written at least 20 essays we could have read and learnt from. She would have shared 372 hugs with you. Double that for beer. Triple it for exquisitely rolled cigarettes.

I don’t want to give you sadness. You need happiness for the time ahead. Let Kat spark up from those sad, tear-sodden embers. When you think of her, think of it a hug hello. Hug those memories for then you keep her alive. Then Kat lives.

Because there is a night that never goes out.

 

This piece was performed at “Amazing Babes” for the Emerging Writers Festival. Kat was present and spoke at the first Amazing Babes. Here is her speech

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First Girl Problems

25 May

Kath Kenny has written an op-ed for Fairfax about the “first person industrial complex”, which she suggests should be retitled the “first person traumatic complex”, bemoaning that first person pieces are essentially calculated grabs for attention in a world that fundamentally misunderstands the feminist mantra “the personal is political”.

Despite a kernel of rhetorical promise, Kenny’s piece fundamentally misunderstands the nature of first person writing, all while sacrificing a bunch of women in her prayer for better writing and feminism. It’s not the first time we’ve watched a professional Cassandra enter the competitive feminist arena, nor will it be the last, but we’ve seen the cycles so often it’s less novel than an editor might think.

Feminism developed consciousness raising as a means for women to explore how they were oppressed in their lives through story telling. Not only did the storyteller derive meaning from this monologue, but so did the other participants who could find a different perspective, representation and affinity.

Men have done it since time immemorial – Herodotus’ Histories could well be retitled “crazy tales I heard in bars” and ancient Rome and Greece were drowning in apologias or confessions (as the first person tract was originally known). Feminism simply politicised what was the artistic and commercial norm for men and called it consciousness raising.

So why do women have to justify the same right as men to share their stories? The first English language autobiographies were written by women like the Book of Margery Kempe, even if she didn’t get the same attention as Augustine or Rousseau. Perhaps we interpret men as telling large stories of accomplishment, while women’s stories are considered small and domestic, insignificant in their contribution to public thought.

Which – again – underscores how incredibly important consciousness raising was and remains a feminist act. No matter how “small” the life or the trauma, there is power in sharing the story to give critical mass to representation and to the issues involved. It also recognises transformation is possible: from trauma to story, for storyteller and audience.

Take sexual assault as an example, given Kenny thoughtlessly linked to philosopher Na’ama Carlin’s memoir in Meanjin. Carlin’s piece examines the notion of victimhood from a religious, philosophical and, yes how dare she, personal viewpoint. This is a relatively common technique in some philosophical essays designed to give easy non-theoretical access to readers. Damon Young shows a similar style with his work (most notably with the Art of Reading) but is not tarred with the same brush.

Gina Rushton, an experienced journalist covering breaking news for Buzzfeed, had her Meanjin essay on the balance of mental illness and suicide reduced by Kenny to a calculated attention grab about eating disorders. That’s Kenny’s interpretation, a woman calling for better writing but not better reading comprehension.

Sophia Hewson’s video installation “Are You Ok, Bob?” about rape is classified by Kenny as a “canny marketing strategy” and “an artwork that speaks of a culture where performing terrible stories has practically become the default speaking mode for young women in the public eye”. We may have to wait some time for Kenny to catch up on art history showing Hewson as part of an incredibly long history of female performance artists using brutal imagery and performances to question society’s brutality and inaction (read her artist declaration via the above link for more).

Kenny opines “We’ve created an attention economy that tells people, particularly young and female people, that the most interesting and valuable thing about you is the worst thing that has ever happened to you”. There’s a kernel in there, but again, the point is missed with nothing to show except collateral damage.

The attention economy Kenny so fears isn’t telling women their only marketable asset is their trauma, it’s telling them it has a credible place. If economics works on supply and demand, the attention economy for trauma is meeting the market because there is so much trauma that goes unreported.

Kenny argues that, in her bid to get “first person traumatic complex” happening (not unlike fetch), we are baring too much in a calculated effort to be seen. What Kenny fails to realise is that writers don’t want to be seen, they want trauma to be seen for what it is: something that can occur in grand sweeping empires to the four walls of our homes.

Trauma such as sexual assault, which has incredibly erratic coverage in the media and where victims are either hidden (as per Carlin’s piece) or presented as downcast (Hewson). Trauma such as mental illness coverage where access to fiercely intelligent representation is denied and the sufferers either silenced or presented as victims (Rushton or Nakkiah Lui’s recent piece). Trauma such as silencing discussion around disability and sexuality (like Jax Jacki Brown over at Daily Life).

Brown’s first person piece spoke more of her actions than feelings, which at first glance might validate Kenny’s belief that “the difference between Steinem’s feminism and the kind of feminism now played out in the media and cultural industries is that where once telling a tragic personal story was just a starting point to building a movement, now it has become the whole point and the way to build a personal brand”.

But it’s a hollow argument that doesn’t stand up to scrutiny.

There is no single trajectory with feminist acts – there are multiple, which was why the second and third wave had so many different techniques. Consciousness raising was one. Legislative lobbying was another. Charitable works, building support services and jumping into academia are others. The list goes on but the main point is this – if you think there is only one entry point to feminist activism and one path to follow, you’re reducing women to a herd following a path you’ve denied them forming for themselves.

The feminist theory of intersectionality demands representation, amply shown by these writers who span race, sexuality, ability and activism. They aren’t building a brand – they’re demanding representation for their life experiences and activism.

It’s worthwhile revisiting intersectionality and expanding the definition. Intersectionality posits that intersections of identity oppression (race, gender, sexuality, ability, etc.) can heighten the oppression one person experiences. Therefore, the oppression and trauma one woman feels isn’t the same as another. That’s why we share stories – so we can understand how it impacts others.

First person stories not only tie into feminist consciousness raising and its promise of personal enlightenment, it also creates access to representation (if properly managed by editors) and gives readers a broader understanding of lived experience outside their own daily lives – thus putting intersectional awareness into action. First person stories are crucial to this greater and diverse understanding, tying into what is known as the “identifiable victim effect” – by reading the experiences of others, they can empathise and understand the experience more intimately. Reporting doesn’t always work, we need stories.

First person stories aren’t gilded, and there are plenty of bad examples that can be found to buttress a sagging argument. There are clumsy or cynical writers in every genre within literature and journalism just as there are clumsy or cynical editors who commission and publish these pieces. But Kenny did not link to those.

In light of this, it’s more instructive to look at what Kenny does in her op-ed rather than what she says. The attention economy is actually the op-ed economy, a world where ill-informed views are hastily cobbled together with facile research and understanding but presented as concrete theories. One might even argue this can be seen in Kenny’s piece, which castigates others for their alleged superficiality, while refusing to admit the same.

Like all writing genres, there is potential for greatness, for expertise and resonance. Potential to move forward in both artistic expression and activism.

This isn’t it.

 

Edited to add an update: Kath Kenny spoke briefly on Twitter about the piece, most notably that “#relaxitsjustanoped”, that op ed doesn’t allow for nuance and that the reaction is part of the generational divide. So far, so facile. 

More notably is that the references to Gina Rushton and Na’ama Carlin have been removed from the article. There was no note to identify this correction, which is a standard practice in journalism. 

This panicked reaction, however, does not elevate her argument at all and simply shows that Kenny doesn’t understand either Opinion Editorial or First Person pieces.

If you’d like a more “nuanced” look at the first person op-ed economy, here’s a piece I did for Overland: the Bustle Hustle (thanks to Sonia Nair for reminding me I wrote the damn thing).

 

 

The problem with feminist thinkpieces

22 May

I use Ask.FM a lot and enjoy most of the questions I get, even though they often delete my answers because I like discussing the usual things like period blood, sex and vaginal yeast.

Every now and then I get a big question that I don’t want to lose to the modbots so I’ll copy the odd one over there.

Here was the first question (copy and paste):
I’m passionate about feminism but like a lot of people am nauseated by a lot of what passes for mainstream feminist discourse. Its garbage, but it annoys me that instead of dismissing terrible opinion pieces, many want to dismiss feminism as a whole and get kudos for doing so. What needs to change?

I asked some clarifying questions:
1) who are these “a lot of people”?
2) what’s “mainstream feminist discourse”?
3) and the “terrible opinion pieces”?

Here’s the full two part question I received (two part because Ask.FM has character restrictions):
My question was poorly worded, by mainstream i mean what gains the most traction, what you’d mainly see if you didnt dig further eg newspapers, twitter, tv. I get the feeling some of the women writing about feminism, particularly in their 20’s dont seem to really care about it at all beyond what they can gain from it, like making it their ‘brand’ and then trashing it, rather than improving things for women as a whole. terrible think pieces include championing Hillary just because she’s a woman, endless talk about whether a woman should change her name if she marries or not.

Here’s my response:

I think it’s a hornet’s nest of a question and I mean that in a very neutral sense.

Let’s not forget that feminists are often held to a standard other ideologies aren’t – no one asks these questions of male writers.

Firstly, there’s a series of fences writers have to get through so I (with no small amount of bias and experience) would direct people to realise feminist writers don’t get this work on the front page of the newspaper without getting through those fences.

The main fence are editors. Editors will have certain soft points and know what will get a response. Some won’t touch certain topics – like feminism – and others won’t touch other topics within feminism.

The other fence is payment and, as a subset, return on investment. We are pretty much all freelance – that means no job security, we only live off what we can sell to an editor and we don’t get super or sick days. We don’t get paid a lot and the money has at least halved (or more) in the four years I’ve been writing. That means you get less time to write and you have to write more to make anything close to a livable wage.

The impact of that? A reduced level of quality in research and formulating arguments.

The other area to consider is that editors are relatively time poor – they don’t have time to grow “talent”, so that means they’re less likely to take chances on other writers and will often go to “favourites”. The net result of that is shitty representation.

Another issue: feminism and anything relating to women is still considered a novel and niche area. As an example, I was on a radio panel a while back discussing domestic violence. We had 10mins to talk, if that. When the host remarked we all seem to discuss the same thing, I challenged them to go deep by doing a series of topics within domestic violence to actually give indepth coverage of the topic. They got in contact later, I gave them a huge list of topic/pitches. They never covered them.

So that’s editors out of the way.

The next item you’ve alluded to and I’ve mentioned here directly before is that feminism is ageist as fuck. Now, that’s partly generational but it’s also partly ignorance. The majority of the people who trash second wavers like Greer and Dworkin et al haven’t read them. They’re basing their dismissal on shallow five minute media bytes or tumblr forwards. This is partly because feminism has been successful in reaching out from academia to popular culture, but also because people are too damn lazy to truly specialise and get in depth historical knowledge beyond google (and remember they have no time or financial incentive to do so).

But let’s also not forget that for many women, the process of aging forces them off the public platform. Now, this is because celebrity(ism) feeds off youth like oxygen but also because many women are forced out of industries as they age. Some of them create their own platforms and some defy stats but it still edges most out through commision/$ starvation.

I’m not going to trash a woman from making a brand because we don’t trash men for doing the same. It’s key to really question the standards to which we hold feminists who are living under the same capitalist structures as other writers.

Women are allowed to make money. Feminists are allowed to make money. They’re allowed to be just as shitty as men.

So we have endless repetition of topics because people can’t respect older work (and women), editors like clickable churn and no one has a fucking collective memory or enough sustained subject exposure for the public to develop knowledge and move onto the next point (same as climate change, in a sense) and writers who get blamed for trying to survive in a system, face more accusations than their contemporaries while failing to shrug off multiple intersection points of privilege.

The other aspect is that feminism has an uneasy tension between progressing academic theories and consciousness raising. That means their personal experiences are considered political and profound which results in churn and repetition because while it’s not new to feminist discourse, it’s new to them.

But let’s tackle one thing head on: don’t expect feminists to speak with the same voice. They won’t. You shouldn’t expect that. If you’re going to argue feminists aren’t intersectional enough, don’t then expect them to hold one single opinion. They may like Hillary – each to their own and I’d also argue there are just as many thinkpieces on “why this woman/feminist/carbon-based life form will vote for Bernie”. We may want to improve things for women as a whole but don’t treat them as a single organism that thinks as a whole.

Fuck your Mother’s Day: motherhood is political

8 May

Motherhood is so often sold as a state of service, with Mother’s Day positioned as a “tip your waiters” event where we all ignore they’re under minimum wage.

I despise Mother’s Day. I despise the veneer of sentimentality screening the multiple disadvantages women face as penalty for being women fulfilling one biological function of the untold abilities of their bodies, a sole function that then manacles them as an entire identity. A suffocating identity that drowns out the woman…and we are supposed to celebrate it? The one day we celebrate women?

No.

I reject the elevation of family. Family is the first base of cultural control – we are first educated about society and politics through them. They enforce the boundaries of identity and potential. There are times when that works well….when we agree with that politics.

That’s why I reject people telling me I’m a good mother – I am not a good mother, you just agree with my politics.

I adore my daughter with a passion. I will sacrifice for her because I want her potential to be as unlimited as her intelligence. That sacrifice will only go so far because I want her to see how I live, and see that women can and should have boundaries in the world. I will not let her define my mothering by sacrifice, she can define it by what I reject, accept and do with my life without reference to her.

I respect the politics of family and will use it as a weapon to make sure she is fully armed when she is out in the world so that she won’t be restrained by the sentimentality that distracts her from the politics of her life.

To be a woman is political. To be a mother is political. Spare me your sentiment, spare me your one day, spare me your consumerism and the nobility of servitude while women are dying in their homes at the hands of those they love, as their bank accounts dwindle be cause of their gender.

Spare me all that. We have shit to do.

On your fear of false rape accusations

4 Mar

I am so damned sick of (not all) men getting loudly alarmed about false rape accusations and claiming that even the 1-8% wide variance is too high and demanding more statistical or ontological (was it false rape or unsubstantiated rape complaints?) breakdowns from me.

So here you go:

A 2000-2003 Victorian report found that 2.1% of 850 rape complaints were false complaints. That’s 17.85 complaints against presumably 17.85 men over three years.

During that time (Aust):
* Only 15% of men accused of rape went to face trial.
* At least 40% plead guilty
* But that remaining 60%?
– around 10% are acquitted
– around 15% are found not guilty
– the rest, well, the prosecutor gives up half way through.
– In fact, your best statistical chance of a guilty verdict in a rape trial is to be a male      victim attacked by a male perpetrator.

Added to all of this is that less than 20% of Australian women actually report rape in the first place.

But no, tell me more about the scourge of false rape accusations. Tell me more about those poor 17.85 men.

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